Saturday, July 2, 2016

As you may have already read, or heard elsewhere, and you need to again. I went to the delectable Tumbleweeds to have dinner snag a few smoothies and dig on some tunes. What I got was nearly isolated , two drinks and no food, my how the temprature of the water changes when you pull back from the buyers table. Deb was the only one giving me any attention, and I wouldn't be surprised to find her involved in HazzardAyre Radio somewhere along the highway soon. But the isolation was the worst of it. This reminds me of the condition of the situation when I went to a recent function at our LDS Ward. They had this Pinewood Derby there for the youth, with a junk food dinner. While the event was sorta cool, I wondered why the heck I even went? Sure I know times are rough even for the church and all, but could at least one or two others of the Ward sit down and break bread with me? Apparently I must have Typhoid or something, or an invisible neon sign  that reads Bad Dog, don't go near. Last week our area stake had Stake Conference, I had intended to go, but thought was, Why? Sure I am knowing of the fact you don't go to services to be popular , you go to remember, honor and learn of Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ. But would it hurt someone to come sit down beside me and at least share a hymn book? 
Every week, Brother Hutchinson, or the Bishop, get's up, greets the congregation and say We hope you all feel welcome. Reality, no I don't. Haven't since I got here and after a year with few exceptions, still am not accepted. Maybe it has something to do, with a wandering eye at every young filly in the Ward, only from a pure business sense. Like Brother Hutchinson's daughter several weeks ago, came home from her mission. Pretty of course, but it was not the Mission report that stood out, it was the method and way she delivered it. I thought, dang I need to get her on air, she has a great voice and knows how to use it.  Right away there were those grumblings from many who thought, uh oh, the Wolf is about to ingest Little Red Riding Hood. Damn it friends, look past your carnal thinking and look at things from someone attempting to help another person in the Frigging Ward. The list goes on, but while I'll go to services, and sit with the very few that still considers me as a none dangerous human I do it for Jesus, nobody else. Sure there are many, who go to services, with the adage of Church on Sunday sell on Monday attitude. They Don't say it, but its in their minds. I'm guilty of it, but only from a humanitarian view, not to tarnish some young filly's virtue. Unlike some ancestrial Church leaders who used to harvest young pleasing to the eye girls for wives and in any other culture it's rape, still, I'm held at the Judgement cross as the one step from Lucifers hand. Let's get real. This reminds me of when I finally sat down in Twin Falls again in 2009. I would not go to ANY church, except Nurse GoodBody's . After researching and feeling left alone I started going to the River Fellowship of Twin Falls 
 I was made more welcome and accepted than any place I had ever went, I got to thinking about my own testimony of the Mormon situation than I ever had before. I found holes in the teachings that couldn't be answered. Of Course I moved to Ogden, Bishop Belnap there welcomed me in, and had weekly sit downs with me again I felt welcome. When I got here to Evanston, at the base of nearly committing suicide I went to the Yellow Creek Ward, then once I moved here to the Wentworth apartments found the Uinta View Ward. Sure our Bishop is a fine person, and I love him as a church member and all, but outside of one family, you'd think I'd ripped a fart in the Ward that smelled so bad , no one would sit down with me. After a long drawn out time finally Vern and Dave and family started sitting with me , but does it make me much more welcome than only having the Bishop and one family cotton to me? To date haven't been asked to say a opening or closing prayer, or a talk, that most everyone else there feels like its an imposision to do, and only one family that will sit with me in services, and will say howdy in public the rest of the week,. Then my Bishop wonders why I don't attend services more. Sure I'll go for Jesus, but I really feel abandoned and kicked in the groin, every week for doing so.